{"id":2525,"date":"2020-01-01T13:56:23","date_gmt":"2020-01-01T13:56:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/livingstonesministries.org\/help4families\/?p=2525"},"modified":"2026-04-14T06:20:41","modified_gmt":"2026-04-14T06:20:41","slug":"heaths-journey","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/livingstonesministries.org\/help4families\/heaths-journey\/","title":{"rendered":"Heath\u2019s Journey"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"wp-block-uagb-container uagb-block-ca5ff7a6 alignfull uagb-is-root-container\"><div style=\"font-size:24px;\" class=\"has-text-align-center has-link-color adobe-reg-italic wp-elements-85a8a21107b8ee66b96e773a6aa630b7 wp-block-post-date has-text-color has-web-light-green-color\"><time datetime=\"2020-01-01T13:56:23+00:00\">January 1, 2020<\/time><\/div>\n\n<h2 style=\"color:#ffffff; font-size:45px;font-style:normal;font-weight:600;text-transform:uppercase;letter-spacing:4px;\" class=\"has-text-align-center has-link-color proxima-font wp-elements-8489a226fd32958d683121eb2fa02d00 wp-block-post-title has-text-color\">Heath\u2019s Journey<\/h2><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-uagb-container uagb-block-9f771041 alignfull uagb-is-root-container\"><div class=\"uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap\">\n<p class=\"adobe-reg blog-link has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-f8343bd70c5c4508fcee7bf7401fd156\" style=\"color:#1a1a1ab3;font-size:18px;letter-spacing:0px\">Even as a child I suspected something was different about my dad\u2014and not only because he was so distant from my siblings and me. He seemed to be unable relate to children, and he had no idea how to express love to any of us. Even when he was physically nearby, he wasn\u2019t really <em>there<\/em>. Sometimes I longed for a dad\u2014a real one who would <em>want<\/em> to spend time with me. I couldn\u2019t understand why we kids had to be like statues\u2014never allowed to show joy or happiness.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"adobe-reg blog-link has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-661d0e0c6dba7fa49ea3d01e0396da99\" style=\"color:#1a1a1ab3;font-size:18px;letter-spacing:0px\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; As a young teenager, I wanted to find a replacement for the love I never experienced at home. So I began getting high on cocaine. Home always seemed far, far away from my mind while I was using cocaine to fill my void and provide an escape.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"adobe-reg blog-link has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-248d4e1c3c010cbc9dd95fbe2e1d1305\" style=\"color:#1a1a1ab3;font-size:18px;letter-spacing:0px\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; One cold winter day I escaped from home by diverting down a dirt road near the neighbor\u2019s barn; I was just goofing off by myself, when I heard a nearby conversation. The two men talking, Frank and Joe, were unaware of my presence. The topic was my dad. I stood there, listening quietly and praying they wouldn\u2019t notice me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"adobe-reg blog-link has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-e625bc0d8c55937586c0be450e5fcbd6\" style=\"color:#1a1a1ab3;font-size:18px;letter-spacing:0px\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Frank was telling Joe that my dad was \u201cdifferent.\u201d I had no idea what he meant, but I was curious. So I listened intently. Frank continued, saying that my dad liked to dress like a woman. <em>What the heck,<\/em> I thought, <em>who are they to say this stuff about my dad? <\/em>Yes, Dad was a distant and angry man, but come on\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"adobe-reg blog-link has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-fda72c0718c01c9f59a8a0d672efe8d8\" style=\"color:#1a1a1ab3;font-size:18px;letter-spacing:0px\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Joe asked Frank how he knew. Frank told Joe he saw Dad in a bar, and it was obvious. I was shocked; I couldn\u2019t believe the words I was hearing. I thought\u2014I hoped\u2014perhaps Frank had been drunk and misconstrued something. It couldn\u2019t be real\u2014I certainly didn\u2019t want it to be real. I wanted to cry, but then I got mad. So I did what came naturally to me: I escaped to cocaine, which always helped me to fly away to a different world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"adobe-reg blog-link has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-b19a066579d7058cfe309541b93d06ba\" style=\"color:#1a1a1ab3;font-size:18px;letter-spacing:0px\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I thought if I told my friends, they would surely laugh at <em>me<\/em>; I could hear it all now. And, of course, what girl would want to go out with the boy whose father dresses like a woman? How could this be happening to me? All this gave me the perfect reason for my own escape, so I got higher, and before I knew it, I was into some pretty strong drugs to help me escape.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"adobe-reg blog-link has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-d348eb5bd67b3d341171be3a80624dfd\" style=\"color:#1a1a1ab3;font-size:18px;letter-spacing:0px\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I was struggling; I wanted to learn how to become a man, but so far my only teachers for this role had been the neighborhood men who got drunk and wasted time ogling loose women on porn sites and at strip clubs. I was getting strange mixed messages from my dad who was hooked on becoming a woman as opposed to the neighborhood men who drank, played cards, and looked at women as sex objects. The neighborhood men seemed safer to be around, and at least they recognized me and paid attention to me. Some of the neighborhood men even cheered me on at my baseball games. That was better than dad\u2019s conspicuous absence from my games.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"adobe-reg blog-link has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-6d916c34904b761db42a95637cb2cd37\" style=\"color:#1a1a1ab3;font-size:18px;letter-spacing:0px\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; But the attention from the neighbor men couldn\u2019t compensate for the emotional loss I felt over my dad\u2019s abandonment of me in favor of his sexual fantasy life. The shock from overhearing the conversation between Frank and Joe felt like an emotional sideswipe by an eighteen-wheeler\u2014and it wasn\u2019t easing with the passage of time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"adobe-reg blog-link has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-e4fc50e4eff715e91133fdc0fe3e230c\" style=\"color:#1a1a1ab3;font-size:18px;letter-spacing:0px\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Before I was 16, I was sent away to rehab. I didn\u2019t really mind, because the rehab center was out of state\u2014far away from my dad. And it turned out to be a special blessing because it was there that I met Jesus Christ and asked Him to be my personal Savior. I learned that Jesus loves me, regardless of what I\u2019d done in the past. I learned that my yesterdays were gone and my tomorrows could be brighter if I chose to make them so.&nbsp; Rehab wasn\u2019t easy. I constantly wondered what was going on back home, but being there was better than being home in the midst of all that probably was going on. I stayed at rehab, became a mentor, and earned my high school diploma.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"adobe-reg blog-link has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-79de88429b39960430e929fb1ef14991\" style=\"color:#1a1a1ab3;font-size:18px;letter-spacing:0px\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; At the center, I grabbed hold of the lifejacket God threw me and held on tight. We had group Bible studies and daily devotions. My heart was growing more in love with Jesus Christ and becoming less dependent on drugs. Jesus Christ gave me a high that no drug could match.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"adobe-reg blog-link has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-adfd7bb005a269c444136813a15cfd1e\" style=\"color:#1a1a1ab3;font-size:18px;letter-spacing:0px\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; That dependence on God became increasingly important when I learned that my dad was going to become a woman and that our family was tearing apart. I knew at that point that Dad truly had given up on fighting his addictive desire to become a woman. I wondered if I could be strong enough in my faith to get through this without reverting to drug use. I had to learn to emotionally handle losing my dad. I longed for my dad to be free if his addiction\u2014of his bondage.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"adobe-reg blog-link has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-d3eb8d948bc3b59c6db6310191468a8f\" style=\"color:#1a1a1ab3;font-size:18px;letter-spacing:0px\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I had let go of the heartache of never really experiencing love from my dad. I needed to release to my Father above the anger and anguish I felt. God understood all my feelings and fears. Understanding God\u2019s care for me helped me to relate to my dad on a personal level. Was I still angry? You bet! But, I needed to handle my anger God\u2019s way.&nbsp; I would not give in and treat Dad as a woman, but I would treat him with love\u2014and with the respect due any person created in God\u2019s image.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"adobe-reg blog-link has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-406533a58b812d5574b7cb599cc6e907\" style=\"color:#1a1a1ab3;font-size:18px;letter-spacing:0px\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Although my dad and I had a distant\u2014and at times cold\u2014relationship, I still loved him; after all, he was my dad. All I knew to do was to hold onto God, allow Christ to work in my heart, and pray earnestly for my dad.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"adobe-reg blog-link has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-7e31779023092d705e013dd4b97754be\" style=\"color:#1a1a1ab3;font-size:18px;letter-spacing:0px\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I don\u2019t know where my dad is spiritually, but I know I will not give up praying that Christ will change his heart and work with the wounds that Dad apparently needs to address. It is apparent that Dad does not know how to love or show any forms of affection. It\u2019s clear that his alcohol only covers his pain for a while, but his pain returns when the alcohol wears off. I know what it was like to seek an escape. If my dad was truly at peace\u2014something only God can truly provide\u2014he would not be seeking his high in such dangerous places.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"adobe-reg blog-link has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-d591ced83bafefdc26e70797db70ef6a\" style=\"color:#1a1a1ab3;font-size:18px;letter-spacing:0px\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Many years have passed now, and throughout my difficult journey I continue to trust Jesus. I don\u2019t know how people can get through such trials without Christ. I still love my dad and hope for the father-son relationship that we both need. I will not give up on my dad and the joy that Christ desires him to have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"adobe-reg blog-link has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-27adde15dfdc486ba762f2301397b160\" style=\"color:#1a1a1ab3;font-size:18px;letter-spacing:0px\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; If you are going through a similar situation, know that God is with you. May you call on Jesus Christ to help guide you through\u2014and always remember His love for you.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<div class=\"gsp_post_data\" \r\n\t            data-post_type=\"post\" \r\n\t            data-cat=\"uncategorized\" \r\n\t            data-modified=\"120\"\r\n\t            data-created=\"1577886983\"\r\n\t            data-title=\"Heath\u2019s Journey\" \r\n\t            data-home=\"https:\/\/livingstonesministries.org\/help4families\"><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Even as a child I suspected something was different about my dad\u2014and not only because he was so distant from my siblings and me. He seemed to be unable relate to children, and he had no idea how to express love to any of us. Even when he was physically nearby, he wasn\u2019t really there. &#8230; <a title=\"Heath\u2019s Journey\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/livingstonesministries.org\/help4families\/heaths-journey\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about Heath\u2019s Journey\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2525","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"aioseo_notices":[],"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":false,"thumbnail":false,"medium":false,"medium_large":false,"large":false,"1536x1536":false,"2048x2048":false},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Denise","author_link":"https:\/\/livingstonesministries.org\/help4families\/author\/denise\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Even as a child I suspected something was different about my dad\u2014and not only because he was so distant from my siblings and me. He seemed to be unable relate to children, and he had no idea how to express love to any of us. Even when he was physically nearby, he wasn\u2019t really there.&hellip;","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/livingstonesministries.org\/help4families\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2525","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/livingstonesministries.org\/help4families\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/livingstonesministries.org\/help4families\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livingstonesministries.org\/help4families\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livingstonesministries.org\/help4families\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2525"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/livingstonesministries.org\/help4families\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2525\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2527,"href":"https:\/\/livingstonesministries.org\/help4families\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2525\/revisions\/2527"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/livingstonesministries.org\/help4families\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2525"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livingstonesministries.org\/help4families\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2525"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livingstonesministries.org\/help4families\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2525"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}