Q&A
About
No. Human brokenness is part of living in a fallen world (see Genesis 3).
Many parents initially internalize their child’s identity struggles as a parenting failure, attributing their child’s identity issues with their upbringing, certain exposures, or family dynamics. These questions often arise from a place of deep love, concern, and self-examination.
But God doesn’t want you to live in guilt and self-condemnation. Children aren’t projects to perfect, but people entrusted to us to love, guide, and care for. Like all of us, they’re broken vessels in need of God’s healing and grace perhaps in different ways than we ourselves have experienced. Having an LGBT child isn’t proof that you have failed spiritually or morally as a parent.
As Christians, we are called to respond with love, grace, wisdom, and humility. Even when we feel confused, afraid, or uncertain, we can still reflect the heart of Christ by showing compassion and expressing a sincere desire to remain in relationship with our child.
This journey can also become an invitation to lean more deeply into prayer, listening, and dependence on God. God’s grace is sufficient for parents and children, and no family is beyond His presence, care, or guidance. The focus shouldn’t be on blame or shame but on what the Lord may desire to teach, heal, and reveal through the journey.
The Bible teaches that God created every person in His image and therefore loves them deeply and unconditionally (Genesis 1:27). But we live in a broken world and all of us carry struggles, wounds, and places where we need God’s grace. “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). No family is exempt from brokenness, and no parent is called to carry blame and shame as though they alone caused every challenge their child may face.
Scriptures commonly referenced in conversations about sexuality include Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, Romans 1:26–27, and 1 Timothy 1:9–10. Scripture also says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). God’s work of renewal and transformation is part of every Christian’s journey. Each person must come before the Lord personally, allowing Him to shape their heart, mind, and identity according to His truth and grace. Parents cannot control that process for their child, but they can pray faithfully, love deeply, and trust God to continue His work.
We can also follow Jesus’s example. He consistently moved toward people with compassion, mercy, and truth. He sat with the hurting, listened to the struggling, and extended dignity to those who often felt rejected by others. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
For many parents, this journey becomes less about finding quick answers and more about learning to walk closely with God in humility, prayer, and dependence. Scripture reminds us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5). You don’t have to have every answer immediately. God often works through seasons of wrestling, growth, and deeper surrender.
Adolescence and young adulthood are seasons of self-discovery, emotional growth, and wrestling with identity. For some, feelings and identity issues may shift or develop over time; for others, they remain consistent. You don’t need to panic or rush to conclusions. Instead choose to invest time in knowing and understanding your child better through honest, compassionate conversation.
Gently ask thoughtful questions such as “When did you first begin feeling this way?” or “Can you help me understand what you’ve been experiencing?” Ask in love, not fear, to preserve trust and create meaningful dialogue.
Children want to feel heard, valued, and safe enough to share openly. So, continue providing a healthy, loving home environment, where you and your spouse model godly femininity and masculinity.
Engage in activities and interests that matter to your child, while maintaining healthy boundaries and keeping those experiences aligned with your faith and values. Shared experiences often build trust, strengthen connection, and communicate love in powerful ways.
From a Christian perspective, every person is on a lifelong journey of growth and transformation. Scripture reminds us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). God is still at work in your life and your child’s life. Whether certain feelings change over time or not, walk prayerfully, patiently, and relationally with your child. God’s grace, wisdom, and presence remain available for every step of the journey.
Our identity is established in Jesus Christ not in any sin or desire, struggle, temptation, or cultural category. Second Corinthians 5:17 says we are new creations in Christ: “The old has gone, the new has come.” That includes our desires and lifestyle anything that would give “the devil a foothold” in our life and lead us away from God’s best for us (Colossians 3:27).
As Christians, our identity should first be in Christ. God calls His people to holiness, and I believe we should be careful not to root our identity in desires or behaviors that Scripture identifies as sinful. (See Colossians 3:1–10 and Ephesians 4:17–19.)
First Peter 1:15–16 says, “Be holy in all you do” because God is holy. God is morally and ethically perfect. He cannot sin; neither can He have a meaningful relationship with someone who is sinning. That’s why the Bible tells us to avoid sin. Instead we are to pursue what leads to godliness and a deeper relationship with God (Colossians 3:12–17).
Maintaining a relationship with your child doesn’t require compromising your beliefs. You can love deeply, stay connected, listen well, and show kindness while still holding to your biblical convictions. As a parent, your role isn’t only to stand for truth, but also to reflect grace, patience, and Christlike love. Healthy relationships are built through respect, humility, prayer, and ongoing connection not agreement on every issue. Your child should never have to question your love, even if they know where you stand biblically.
• Pray for Wisdom. Before setting boundaries, seek God’s guidance about where they’re needed and how to communicate them lovingly, honestly, respectfully, and clearly.
• Know Your God-Given Responsibilities. God calls us to care for others but not to carry their responsibilities.
• Guard Your Heart. Protect your emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being by limiting access to harmful behaviors and unhealthy influences.
• Learn to Say No Without Guilt. Sometimes saying no to a loved one allows you to say yes to God.
• Don’t Let Fear Drive Decisions. Fear of rejection, conflict, or disappointing others can keep you from establishing healthy boundaries.
• Be Consistent. Boundaries are most effective when consistently maintained.
• Boundaries Are Loving. Godly boundaries aren’t walls to keep people out; they’re healthy limits that promote respect, responsibility, and healthier relationships.
Christians don’t come to the same conclusion on this issue. Because of your convictions about biblical marriage taking place only between a biological man and a biological woman (Genesis 2:24), you may decide you can’t attend the wedding because that would communicate affirmation of something you believe is unbiblical.
If you choose not to attend, a biblical and compassionate approach often includes:
• Communicate decision gently and privately
• Affirm that your love for your child hasn’t changed
• Avoid condemnation, arguments, or public shame
• Remain open to ongoing relationship after the wedding
• Pray for wisdom, peace, and reconciliation
A possible response:
“We love you deeply, and nothing will ever change that. Because of our biblical convictions about marriage, we can’t attend the ceremony. We aren’t rejecting you, but we want to remain faithful to what we believe God asks of us. We understand that your beliefs are different. We sincerely hope our decision will be respected in the same way we desire to respect you as a person. Our love for you remains steadfast, and we want to continue walking with you in relationship.”
For further insight, see Encore: Is It Loving for a Faithful Christian to Go to a “Gay Wedding”? – Christ Over All