Questions & Answers
What are some key thoughts Christians should keep in mind as they try to reach people in their lives who identify as LGBTQ, who are rejecting their gender, or who are transitioning?
First, offer the person empathy and let them know you care about what they are wrestling with.
We always need to meet someone where they are. By this, I mean that we realize they aren’t in the same place we are as a Christian or in our walk with the Lord. The issue at hand really isn’t their sexuality or how they’re identifying, but rather their need for Jesus Christ and living a life of holiness. God will take care of the rest as their life is transformed and they begin to walk with him.
Here are some additional suggestions:
When someone decides to share their story with you, remember this admission took courage. Encourage trust by letting them know your feelings too. Tell them that you didn’t realize they were wrestling with their feelings in these ways or that you don’t understand but are willing to learn. Share your sorrow that they’ve felt they couldn’t share the news with you or other people and that you recognize how alone they may have felt.
When someone decides to share their story with you, remember this admission took courage. Encourage trust by letting them know your feelings too. Tell them that you didn’t realize they were wrestling with their feelings in these ways or that you don’t understand but are willing to learn. Share your sorrow that they’ve felt they couldn’t share the news with you or other people and that you recognize how alone they may have felt.
This is the tricky part. While it can sometimes be counterproductive to share your beliefs about LGBTQ+ issues, it can also be problematic to withhold those beliefs. We want to be cautious about the way we demonstrate our love and concern, which is usually communicated through the words we choose and the tone of our voice.
You could offer a statement such as this: “Thank you for letting me be part of your life and for sharing something so personal and difficult for you. I may not agree with some of the conclusions you’ve reached, but I do understand how you got there. I love you and hope we can continue to share with each other.”
Each of us have had ups and downs in our faith journey, so remember to be present for the person and be patient as they navigate their journey with God.
How can I live a life free from bondage?
Be honest with yourself. Identify attitudes, addictions, or cycles that repeatedly trap you.
Invite God (through prayer and reading Scripture) to show you what you might be blind to.
Write them down and reflect on how they impact your relationships, peace, and purpose.
Renew your mind daily by filling it with truth — meditate on Scriptures, uplifting teachings, and promises of freedom.
When intrusive thoughts or doubts come, remind yourself: “I choose faith over fear, truth over lies.”
Pray for the mind of Christ: wisdom, peace, and discernment beyond your own strength.
Surrender the things you cannot fix or control. Trust that God is working even when you don’t see it.
Practice daily surrender — not once and done, but moment by moment: “Lord, I give this to You.”
Surround yourself with a supportive community who offers you discipleship and helps you stay accountable.
Living free is a process, not a one-time event. Freedom grows as you stay close to God, receive His grace, and choose daily to walk away from old chains.
It is true that homosexuality is defined as “attraction to the same sex” and so appears to be about sex. However homosexuality is not sexual in its origin. To help you understand, let’s change the subject to anorexia or bulimia. Anorexia and bulimia are mental strongholds that have little to do with food. A person who suffers from anorexia does so–not because of the lack of food, but because she (usually women suffer from this condition) is deceived by her thought processes. She looks into the mirror and convinces herself that she is fat. Emotionally, she cannot see the deception and so refuses to eat.
Likewise, homosexuality is a stronghold that has little to do with sex. God created us male and female. However, homosexual thought, feelings, and behaviors can be traced to past negative or traumatic experiences or thoughts that precipitate sexual disorientation, causing individuals to believe a lie or deception.
When someone is struggling with feelings they have not chosen and wanting to act on these feelings, he/she will look for reasons to justify acting out those feelings. One of the arguments of pro-gay theology is that Jesus did not speak against homosexuality. It is true that Jesus did not say anything about homosexuality. However, the fact that He did not say anything about it does not negate the specific prohibitions against it elsewhere in the Old and New Testaments. (See Leviticus 18:22, Romans 1:18-32, I Corinthians 6:9-11.) Homosexuality is not addressed positively anywhere in the Bible.
We do not know everything that Jesus said. Perhaps He did address it, and it was not recorded. In John 21:25, it says, “And there are also many other things which Jesus did, which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written.” Saying that Jesus condoned homosexuality because He never spoke about it is a logical fallacy. It is called “an argument from silence.” While we have no words from Jesus regarding homosexuality, it does not mean that He did not care about the issue. Jesus also did not talk about incest or wife-beating, and we do not condone these behaviors.
You might respond to your son with something like this: “I understand you are hurting, son, and you would like to believe that homosexuality is okay. Let me tell you about what I have learned. (State above arguments). Even though Jesus did not say anything about homosexuality, He knows what you are going through and He loves you and wants to bring healing to your life. He can give you the courage and strength to overcome your homosexual feelings, but you need others to support you, as well. Help is available when you are ready, and I will love you and support you through the process.”
Thomas à Kempis, a monk who lived in the 14th century and wrote the Christian classic, The Imitation of Christ, wrote the following words: “Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.”
From time to time, I am accused of trying to “change” people, and I think of Thomas à Kempis’ words. In truth, we cannot change anyone. Changing people is God’s job. Our job is to love them, pray for them, be vulnerable about our own sins and the ways God has dealt with us, and challenge them to live in obedience to Christ’s teachings.
God is the only one who knows what is truly going on in this man’s heart. The “normal” your friend is experiencing comes from what makes sense to him about his life. We are often blind to our own reality and end up believing a lie our minds have led us to believe. We cannot force another person to renounce the lies they believe if they don’t see them as lies. That is why prayer is so important.
I Corinthians 2:11 says it this way: “For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man’s spirit within him?”
Continue to love your brother and pray for Him. God can do amazing things through you as you love and care for him.
Some Additional Suggestions
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No. Human brokenness is part of living in a fallen world (see Genesis 3).
Many parents initially internalize their child’s identity struggles as a parenting failure, attributing their child’s identity issues with their upbringing, certain exposures, or family dynamics. These questions often arise from a place of deep love, concern, and self-examination.
But God doesn’t want you to live in guilt and self-condemnation. Children aren’t projects to perfect, but people entrusted to us to love, guide, and care for. Like all of us, they’re broken vessels in need of God’s healing and grace—perhaps in different ways than we ourselves have experienced. Having an LGBT child isn’t proof that you have failed spiritually or morally as a parent.
As Christians, we are called to respond with love, grace, wisdom, and humility. Even when we feel confused, afraid, or uncertain, we can still reflect the heart of Christ by showing compassion and expressing a sincere desire to remain in relationship with our child.
This journey can also become an invitation to lean more deeply into prayer, listening, and dependence on God. God’s grace is sufficient for parents and children, and no family is beyond His presence, care, or guidance. The focus shouldn’t be on blame or shame but on what the Lord may desire to teach, heal, and reveal through the journey.
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The Bible teaches that God created every person in His image and therefore loves them deeply and unconditionally (Genesis 1:27). But we live in a broken world and all of us carry struggles, wounds, and places where we need God’s grace. “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). No family is exempt from brokenness, and no parent is called to carry blame and shame as though they alone caused every challenge their child may face.
Scriptures commonly referenced in conversations about sexuality include Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, Romans 1:26–27, and 1 Timothy 1:9–10. Scripture also says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). God’s work of renewal and transformation is part of every Christian’s journey. Each person must come before the Lord personally, allowing Him to shape their heart, mind, and identity according to His truth and grace. Parents cannot control that process for their child, but they can pray faithfully, love deeply, and trust God to continue His work.
We can also follow Jesus’s example. He consistently moved toward people with compassion, mercy, and truth. He sat with the hurting, listened to the struggling, and extended dignity to those who often felt rejected by others. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
For many parents, this journey becomes less about finding quick answers and more about learning to walk closely with God in humility, prayer, and dependence. Scripture reminds us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5). You don’t have to have every answer immediately. God often works through seasons of wrestling, growth, and deeper surrender.
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Adolescence and young adulthood are seasons of self-discovery, emotional growth, and wrestling with identity. For some, feelings and identity issues may shift or develop over time; for others, they remain consistent. You don’t need to panic or rush to conclusions. Instead choose to invest time in knowing and understanding your child better through honest, compassionate conversation.
Gently ask thoughtful questions such as “When did you first begin feeling this way?” or “Can you help me understand what you’ve been experiencing?” Ask in love, not fear, to preserve trust and create meaningful dialogue.
Children want to feel heard, valued, and safe enough to share openly. So, continue providing a healthy, loving home environment, where you and your spouse model godly femininity and masculinity.
Engage in activities and interests that matter to your child, while maintaining healthy boundaries and keeping those experiences aligned with your faith and values. Shared experiences often build trust, strengthen connection, and communicate love in powerful ways.
From a Christian perspective, every person is on a lifelong journey of growth and transformation. Scripture reminds us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). God is still at work in your life and your child’s life. Whether certain feelings change over time or not, walk prayerfully, patiently, and relationally with your child. God’s grace, wisdom, and presence remain available for every step of the journey.
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Our identity is established in Jesus Christ—not in any sin or desire, struggle, temptation, or cultural category. Second Corinthians 5:17 says we are new creations in Christ: “The old has gone, the new has come.” That includes our desires and lifestyle—anything that would give “the devil a foothold” in our life and lead us away from God’s best for us (Colossians 3:27).
As Christians, our identity should first be in Christ. God calls His people to holiness, and I believe we should be careful not to root our identity in desires or behaviors that Scripture identifies as sinful. (See Colossians 3:1–10 and Ephesians 4:17–19.)
First Peter 1:15–16 says, “Be holy in all you do” because God is holy. God is morally and ethically perfect. He cannot sin; neither can He have a meaningful relationship with someone who is sinning. That’s why the Bible tells us to avoid sin. Instead we are to pursue what leads to godliness and a deeper relationship with God (Colossians 3:12–17).
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Maintaining a relationship with your child doesn’t require compromising your beliefs. You can love deeply, stay connected, listen well, and show kindness while still holding to your biblical convictions. As a parent, your role isn’t only to stand for truth, but also to reflect grace, patience, and Christlike love. Healthy relationships are built through respect, humility, prayer, and ongoing connection—not agreement on every issue. Your child should never have to question your love, even if they know where you stand biblically.
• Pray for Wisdom. Before setting boundaries, seek God’s guidance about where they’re needed and how to communicate them lovingly, honestly, respectfully, and clearly.
• Know Your God-Given Responsibilities. God calls us to care for others but not to carry their responsibilities.
• Guard Your Heart. Protect your emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being by limiting access to harmful behaviors and unhealthy influences.
• Learn to Say No Without Guilt. Sometimes saying no to a loved one allows you to say yes to God.
• Don’t Let Fear Drive Decisions. Fear of rejection, conflict, or disappointing others can keep you from establishing healthy boundaries.
• Be Consistent. Boundaries are most effective when consistently maintained.
• Boundaries Are Loving. Godly boundaries aren’t walls to keep people out; they’re healthy limits that promote respect, responsibility, and healthier relationships.
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Christians don’t come to the same conclusion on this issue. Because of your convictions about biblical marriage taking place only between a biological man and a biological woman (Genesis 2:24), you may decide you can’t attend the wedding because that would communicate affirmation of something you believe is unbiblical.
If you choose not to attend, a biblical and compassionate approach often includes:
• Communicate decision gently and privately
• Affirm that your love for your child hasn’t changed
• Avoid condemnation, arguments, or public shame
• Remain open to ongoing relationship after the wedding
• Pray for wisdom, peace, and reconciliation
A possible response:
“We love you deeply, and nothing will ever change that. Because of our biblical convictions about marriage, we can’t attend the ceremony. We aren’t rejecting you, but we want to remain faithful to what we believe God asks of us. We understand that your beliefs are different. We sincerely hope our decision will be respected in the same way we desire to respect you as a person. Our love for you remains steadfast, and we want to continue walking with you in relationship.”
For further insight, see Encore: Is It Loving for a Faithful Christian to Go to a “Gay Wedding”? – Christ Over All