Questions & Answers

QUESTION:  I have heard ex-gay leaders say that “homosexuality” is not about sex.  What do they mean?

ANSWER:  It is true that homosexuality is defined as “attraction to the same sex” and so appears to be about sex.  However homosexuality is not sexual in its origin.  To help you understand, let’s change the subject to anorexia or bulimia.  Anorexia and bulimia are mental strongholds that have little to do with food.  A person who suffers from anorexia does so–not because of the lack of food, but because she (usually women suffer from this condition) is deceived by her thought processes.  She looks into the mirror and convinces herself that she is fat.  Emotionally, she cannot see the deception and so refuses to eat. 

Likewise, homosexuality is a stronghold that has little to do with sex.  God created us male and female.  However, homosexual thought, feelings, and behaviors can be traced to past negative or traumatic experiences or thoughts that precipitate sexual disorientation, causing individuals to believe a lie or deception.

QUESTION:  My son says that there is nothing wrong with homosexuality because Jesus never said anything about it.  Is that true?  How should I respond to his comments?

ANSWER:  When someone is struggling with feelings they have not chosen and wanting to act on these feelings, he/she will look for reasons to justify acting out those feelings.  One of the arguments of pro-gay theology is that Jesus did not speak against homosexuality.  It is true that Jesus did not say anything about homosexuality.  However, the fact that He did not say anything about it does not negate the specific prohibitions against it elsewhere in the Old and New Testaments.  (See Leviticus 18:22, Romans 1:18-32, I Corinthians 6:9-11.)  Homosexuality is not addressed positively anywhere in the Bible.

We do not know everything that Jesus said.  Perhaps He did address it, and it was not recorded.  In John 21:25, it says, “And there are also many other things which Jesus did, which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written.”  Saying that Jesus condoned homosexuality because He never spoke about it is a logical fallacy.  It is called “an argument from silence.”  While we have no words from Jesus regarding homosexuality, it does not mean that He did not care about the issue.  Jesus also did not talk about incest or wife-beating, and we do not condone these behaviors.

You might respond to your son with something like this:  “I understand you are hurting, son, and you would like to believe that homosexuality is okay.  Let me tell you about what I have learned.  (State above arguments).  Even though Jesus did not say anything about homosexuality, He knows what you are going through and He loves you and wants to bring healing to your life.  He can give you the courage and strength to overcome your homosexual feelings, but you need others to support you, as well.  Help is available when you are ready, and I will love you and support you through the process.” 

QUESTION:  I have a friend who is homosexual who does not believe that his background has anything to do with his same-sex feelings.  He believes that he is “normal” and that he was born with same-sex attractions.  How do I convince him otherwise?

ANSWER:  Thomas à Kempis, a monk who lived in the 14th century and wrote the Christian classic, The Imitation of Christ, wrote the following words: “Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.”

From time to time, I am accused of trying to “change” people, and I think of Thomas à Kempis’ words.   In truth, we cannot change anyone.  Changing people is God’s job.  Our job is to love them, pray for them, be vulnerable about our own sins and the ways God has dealt with us, and challenge them to live in obedience to Christ’s teachings. 

God is the only one who knows what is truly going on in this man’s heart.  The “normal” your friend is experiencing comes from what makes sense to him about his life.  We are often blind to our own reality and end up believing a lie our minds have led us to believe. We cannot force another person to renounce the lies they believe if they don’t see them as lies.  That is why prayer is so important.

 I Corinthians 2:11 says it this way:  “For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man’s spirit within him?”

Continue to love your brother and pray for Him.   God can do amazing things through you as you love and care for him.