God calls us to a sacrificial love. Jesus told the Twelve, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13 ESV). Jesus loved us so much that he endured an excruciating death to purchase our redemption, but he never compromised on what he knew to be true about himself, about God the Father, or about us and our need for salvation.
His love didn’t mean that he ignored our sinfulness: “Very truly, I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin … so if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:34, 36 NIV). His love didn’t mean that he downplayed the truth about salvation: “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6 NIV). His love didn’t mean that he dismissed the cost of discipleship: “Whoever wants to be my disciple, must deny themselves, take up their cross and follow me” (Luke 9:23 NIV).
Too many people buy into our culture’s definition of love: “Accept every action I take and every behavior I choose, or you don’t love me.” Some medical and counseling professionals call this “affirming care.” But that kind of unconditional acceptance isn’t what the Bible means by unconditional love.
Yes, true love “never dies” (1 Corinthians 13:8). And yes, God promises to love us with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). But that doesn’t mean he accepts and approves of all behaviors and mindsets. Jesus didn’t accept sin in others; he urged them to repent and to pursue holiness. He told the woman caught in adultery, “Go now and leave your life of sin” (John 8:11 NIV). First Corinthians 13:4 says, “Loves endures with patience and serenity,” but it also “rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail] (v. 6 AMP).
Also consider 1 Corinthians 13:4–5 in The Message: “Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always ‘me first.’”
Twisting true love into self-serving “I love you if …” ultimatums is a tactic the enemy uses to get us to exchange true love for manipulation. If a loved one says, “If you love me, you will …” that isn’t true love either. True love guides others toward God’s best for them—the person he designed them to be, the person who has a unique God-given role in his kingdom. True love is about encouraging one another to “strip off every unnecessary weight and the sin which so easily and cleverly entangles us … [looking away from all that will distract us and] focusing our eyes on Jesus” (Hebrews 12:1–2 AMP).
As you seek to love your LGBT family member or friend with the sacrificial love of Jesus, ask God daily to help you ground that love in truth. Be quick to tell your loved one that you’ll always love them but also stand firm on the ways you’ll demonstrate that love: pray for them, treat them with respect, and set boundaries. When God opens the door, tell your loved one how God is demonstrating his power and love as you navigate life. As I wrote in my recent book, Out of Darkness, and into the Light, “Our truth-loving, wise God can show us how to stand firm in his ways and be loving at the same time.” Love cannot be separated from truth. Ask Him daily to help you live out that principle as you interact with your LGBT loved one.