Can The News Media Make You Gay? Grace’s Story

To my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ; to God be all the glory.

I remember my mother telling me how she praised God regularly during her pregnancy with me. She also said that she suffered no pain during my birth. My mother was a woman of strong faith, and I grew up listening to her story of how Jesus miraculously healed her after doctors had given up on her. She also said that when she cried out to the Lord for healing, He told her it’s better to be saved than healed. However, God not only saved my mother, but he filled her with the Holy Ghost, with the evidence of speaking in tongues. My mother went on to live out her years as a devoted follower of the Lord and student of the Bible.

Two forces fighting

When I was eight years old, I felt the Lord calling me, so I gave Him my life and was baptized. At the same time, however, another force was working against me: Not long after I was saved, a female cousin introduced me to sex play. Satan’s plan was being carried out. When I was in the fourth grade, I felt my first same-sex attraction—to my teacher, Miss Smith. She was the most beautiful woman my eyes had ever beheld.

       During my teen years, I felt sexually confused; I wasn’t exactly sure how I felt about boys. My first “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationship came about through a strange and unfortunate set of circumstances: In the neighborhood where we had recently moved, called East-Gate, it was just expected that every adolescent girl would have a boyfriend, but I didn’t.  I did have a little baby sister, and, unknown to me, neighbors, including boys my age, thought she was my child. They became frustrated because I would not choose one of them as my boyfriend.

       On a warm summer evening, as I left my house and walked down the sidewalk, I was soon surrounded by a group of boys. They told me I had to choose one of them as my boyfriend or else all of them would have me, that night. That was when Andy, another neighborhood boy, who’d been watching from across the street, came to my rescue. He told the group leader that I was his girlfriend.

       Andy and I continued that pretend relationship for some time in order to free me from the other boys’ advances. But later Andy and I became more than friends. I ended up getting pregnant at age fifteen; although at that age I didn’t know I could become pregnant. I really wasn’t ready for that, and I felt that God had abandoned me. I told God I would never again have anything to do with Him.

The “revelation”

In my early twenties, my life took an even a bigger turn. After moving from Washington, DC, to Rockville, Maryland, I knew my life would be different. But I didn’t know at the time just how different. One evening, while watching the channel 7 late-night news, the announcer gave a promotional teaser for an upcoming series about the “other night life” in DC. They had promoted this upcoming segment for several weeks before it finally aired.  I was intrigued, so I made it a point to watch every segment of the series, which happened to be all about the gay lifestyle. As I watched the final segment on a Friday night, a voice from within told me I was supposed to have been born a boy. This seemed like the answer to my many challenges. Being born a girl had been a mistake. My life had been a lie. Everything began to make sense.  

       I was excited to have found the answer to my long history of sexual confusion. That very night I went to my closet to look for the most masculine-appearing clothes I could find. I made my way to my first gay nightclub in southeast Washington, DC. No one there recognized that I was a novice on the gay scene; I was a convincing “butch.” I fit right in. Tina, a petite, pretty, feminine girl introduced herself and we quickly became close friends, although we never became sexually involved. Being seen regularly with Tina enhanced my reputation within the gay scene. Also, her friendship helped me with other relationships that were more than platonic. That became my lifestyle for eighteen years.

       Using only part of my first name, “Joe,” I obtained a marriage license from the Montgomery County Courthouse. We were looking forward to our big day. Not long after, we actually had our “wedding” day. My “wife” had never been in a same-sex relationship of any kind. But my illegally obtained marriage license didn’t keep me faithful. I had an affair with another woman, and when my “wife” learned of it, we split up. Over the years, I drifted in and out of relationships. While in my last homosexual relationship, I made a vow to God. I told Him that if and when my current relationship came to an end I would never sleep with or be sexually intimate with a female. I also told the Lord I would be a gay, transgender-man until I die. God, being all knowing, had to have laughed. I wanted to be the black, transgender version of Hugh Hefner. I wanted to live it up with drugs, wild parties, and lots of women—ironically, as a celibate man. 

        Having made that vow to God, I knew that the lust-love relationship I was in would one day come to an end. I wanted to have a relationship with God again, even in my non-repentant state. I found myself grieving the loss of my same-sex relationship while I was still in it.     

Calling me back

I sensed God’s calling, drawing me back. I took my lover out for our last supper and told her it was over. She was shocked and asked me if she could stay over one last night. I knew in my heart something had died, but I said yes. She tried to express her feelings for me during the night, but I was dead inside. The next morning, as she prepared to leave, she looked into my eyes with tears in hers and told me I was different. I didn’t know then the miracle Jesus had done in my life. 

       I began to truly seek God (Matthew 6:33) and, not long after, I met Pastor George. We exchanged phone numbers and began to see each other. He invited me to come out and hear a friend of his preach. And it just so happened to be at the very same church in which I had given my life to Christ for the second time, at age thirteen. I arrived at the church and met Jesus Christ again. I sat in the rear of the church, and as I listened to the message. The Holy Spirit began to draw me closer to the front, and I felt the presence of the Lord. He told me, “I’ve been here all the time.”

God’s better plan

       It’s now been eighteen years since God delivered me out of the darkness and into His marvelous light. I have grieved over the eighteen years I lost while living a lie, but I’m grateful today that God never gave up on me. And now He has given me a ministry in testifying of His love and saving power.

       If you have a loved one caught up in sexual confusion, keep praying, and know that God will not give up on him or her. God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34) what He does for one, He will do for another.