Family members usually struggle to set boundaries for their LGBT loved ones. We don’t want to ostracize our loved one, but when that person pursues destructive behaviors or creates conflict in our family, we can set limits to prevent the Enemy from taking us down and to allow God space to bring healing.
What should I consider as I set boundaries with my LGBT loved one?
- Boundaries are rooted in the nature of God. He gave Adam and Eve the freedom to live within His boundaries or outside of them. When they chose to disregard His boundaries, they faced the consequences. Similarly, if you or your loved ones choose to step outside of God’s boundaries, you and they must accept the consequences. But remember, don’t take on blame or guilt because of someone else’s choices.
- Boundaries establish who we are as children of God—our allegiance to Him and our desire to honor Him in all our relationships. Establish boundaries that reflect your commitment to keep God first in your life.
- Boundaries define our safe zone—like a cabin in the woods limits where bears and wildcats roam. Make clear what is acceptable and unacceptable. If you need time to think about an issue, say so and set a time limit: “I need to think about this. I’ll let you know by Wednesday.”
- Boundaries limit destructive behaviors and allow us time to restore balance and perspective, to move forward, and to heal. A person with no boundaries is undefined and unprotected. The result is confusion—for you and your loved ones. Think about what potential harm could arise, then set your boundaries in light of those possibilities.
- Before you speak to someone about a boundary you’d like to establish, role play the conversation with a trusted friend or mentor. Work out possible objections and solutions.
- You may also want to make a list of boundaries you’ve already established and evaluate how well they’re working. What makes them work? What would help them work better?
What is the most important step in establishing boundaries with your LGBT loved one?
Prayer is the most vital part of this process. Before every conversation or encounter with your loved one, talk to God about that upcoming connection. Claim the promise of James 1:6—“If any of you lacks wisdom [to guide him through a decision or circumstance], he is to ask of [our benevolent] God, who gives to everyone generously and without rebuke or blame, and it will be given him” (Amplified Version).
In Luke 12:11–12, when Jesus warned His disciples about upcoming hard conversations and defending their faith, He encouraged them with these words: “Do not be worried about how you are to defend yourselves or what you are to say; for the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.”
God wants you to have a meaningful, loving, and fruitful relationship with your LGBT loved one. And if you ask for His help in preparing your heart and navigating your interactions, He will provide all the guidance you need.
Two Other Questions:
What boundaries do I need to establish when interacting with my LGBT loved one?
Does loving my LGBT child mean that I have to go along with every request they make?