How should the church respond to our loved ones who identify as transgender? Recently, after a phone conversation with a church leader in Texas, my heart was troubled. It seemed as if I had traveled back in time—back to when I was a little girl who desired the church to know what our family was living through with my dad. Years later, after he left my mother and became Becky, I was disheartened again when I discovered that the church he was attending in Pittsburgh, PA, supported his new identity. How could I not feel sad?

I wondered then—as I wonder now—if some churches have lost their fear of God. 

My dad deserved the truth. He deserved then—as your loved one deserves now—to hear in love, God’s truth about homosexuality and transgenderism. How much better it would have been if the church leaders had come alongside him in a gracious way and had shown him the truth from God’s Holy Word. The truth is found in being who God created us to be (Ecclesiastes 12:13; Ephesians 2:10). Our identity is found in Christ, not in the distorted view the world offers us. Culture does not define us; it only confuses us when it defines God’s creation based on someone’s desired gender. Homosexuality and transgender is merely a political terms used to destroy both the individual and his or her family.

I don’t believe anyone wants to have these issues. However, individuals seek to satisfy their emotional or mental dissatisfaction with reality for many reasons. But the temptation of going to other side where the grass looks greener can be harmful. Any of us can encounter temptation at any time and in any place. Each of us is prey to weaknesses, and we all fall short of God’s standard of righteousness (Romans 3:23; Isaiah 59:2). Sin separates us from God; therefore, sin weakens our relationship with Him. To restore that fellowship, we must renounce our sinful behavior. God knows we aren’t perfect. If we were perfect, we wouldn’t need a Savior.

God calls us to be godly representations of Him, not of the culture. Yet there are some churches that are divided on the transgender issue. Sadly, some church members don’t even realize where their denominational leadership stands on this issue. 

What if the leadership at my dad’s church had arranged a personal, yet loving meeting so they could have gotten to know him without encouraging him in his sin? What if even one of the male church leaders had gently pointed out that the Bible said, “in His own image, in the image of God He created Him; male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:27). What if one of those leaders had begun a godly relationship with my dad—a relationship that revealed what really made my dad tick?

In such a relationship, church leaders may have learned about the hurt and rejection my dad faced in his young life. What would have happened if those men had invited him to join the men’s breakfast Bible study or to meet for a cup of coffee and pie (which he loved). What if the church truly believed in the transforming work of the Holy Spirit?

The best way to address sexual and relational issues is with a Jesus-would-have-done mindset. You’ve probably seen this slogan: what-would-Jesus-do? Yet how many of us Christians know what that looks like day in and day out? Jesus always exemplified compassion for those who were lost (Matthew 9:36). Church leaders and Christians should be compassionate toward those who are hurting and have lost their way. Jesus engaged with sinners as He tried to influence them for the Kingdom of God (Mark 2:15-17). Jesus wasn’t afraid to be honest with folks who had spiritual issues (Mark 12:28-34). And even though the rich young man didn’t truly love God, Jesus still loved him (Mark 10:21).  

Transgenderism is only symptoms of a bigger problem—a heart problem. God did not create male, female and “?” If He did, it goes against His own Word, and that is not of God but rather of the enemy. God speaks of life, righteousness, and love. Satan speaks of death, lies, and hatred for God’s creation.

Repentance leads to a changed heart. But how can a person know he or she should repent if churches stand up for sin and sinful actions or condone them by remaining silent?

I wish my dad had attended a church where people loved him without affirming his sinful ways. I wish the church leaders and members had loved him without loving the way he lived. If they had taught him God’s truth—addressing his need to repent and obey the ways of God as they stood by him and demonstrated the biblical truth of manhood—it may have made a difference.

Examine your heart. Perhaps you need to ask your church leadership a few questions: What do they really believe about homosexuality and transgenderism? What effects of those beliefs pour over into the lives of others?  How can we all accurately model what Jesus Christ exemplifies through His Holy Word?