We come to God’s Altar and we make our marriage vows. I said, “I choose you, _________ to be my beloved husband. You said, “I choose you, _________, to be my beloved wife. Together we said. “From this day forward, to become one with you and to share all that is to come, and I promise to love you, to care for you, and to be faithful to you until death parts us.” We get into the car, the Marriage Car. You are in the driver seat and I am on the passenger side. Later there are children are in the backseat.

We are on a mountainous road with many curves. The road is called the Path to Righteousness. You start to drive the car close to the edge of a cliff. Then you break through the guardrail that is God’s boundary line for me. You say, “I am Woman and I want you to still be my wife.” As I listen to God I hear Him say to me, “Woman marries Man. Woman should not marry Woman.” To marry a woman violates my sense of right and wrong.

Now we are driving on the narrow shoulder outside the guardrail with my side of the car hanging over the cliff edge. The ride is becoming more emotionally violent as you fight to maintain control of the Marriage Car while driving outside the guardrail. I see the dangerous place that we are in – outside God’s boundaries. I become more and more afraid of the crash that will send us plummeting over the cliff edge on the rocks below. I scream at you,” Get back to the road where we will be safe. “ I grab the steering wheel and try to steer us back to the road. I shout at you, “You are going to wreck the Marriage Car and I will die!”

We struggle for the control of the Marriage Car and there is anger, hatred, and bitterness building between us. I know it is not a good ideal for me to put my hand on the steering wheel trying to take away your position as the leader and guide of the Marriage Car, but I do it out of panic. I push you and put my hands from the wheel. I tell you “I’m scared!!!!” You say, “Nonsense. The edge is rough but we will make it OK.” You deny the inevitable crash.

The piece of truth that I was missing is that in this frightening, painful 18 years is that when you broke the guardrail and violated my trust, I had every right to get out of the Car and go back to stand on the road called Path of Righteousness. In the language of our culture, the contract was made under fraudulent terms, in deceit. You said you were Husband as we made our vows. After a time you said you were Woman. Therefore the covenant was broken. I am released from it. I can finally claim the TRUTH. “The truth will set you free.” I do not want to be married to a woman, because as I listen to God I hear Him say “That is wrong for you.” To be married to a woman violates my sense of right and wrong.

I have had a deep sadness, then anger, then hatred, then bitterness. I heard other Christian voices say to me, “You should do everything possible to keep your marriage together. You need to obey your husband. “ Yet my heart was saying, “To obey this person violates me. When we have sex I feel deep despair. My inner voice says, “Women should not have sex with women.”

So now I am taking my hand off the steering wheel of the marriage car. I am saying, “STOP the Car, I’m getting out of the Car because I don’t want to go over the cliff with you.” To honor God and to honor myself I need to listen to the inner voice: “Woman does not live married to a Woman.” You may have control of the Marriage Car. That is your position as the Driver. If you want to crash the Marriage it is your choice.

What about the children in the back seat of the car? I see that they are battered and bruised by the violent ride. I see that our son has an angry wound and he may die. They need to be out of the Car also and stand on the road marked “Path of Righteousness.” We will walk down the road together. There will be others who pass us in their Marriage Cars. They will say, “That woman should have stayed in her Car. Doesn’t she know that the road is easier for children in the Marriage Car?”

It is true the best way for children to make a smooth passage on the Path is in a Marriage Car. For years I have stayed for their sake. Now I see that they need the Path more. So we will walk down the road. It will be harder than riding in the Car. We will get sore feet and fatigue. But God will walk with us. He will hold our hands. He will provide safe pastures and still waters to restore us.

What about you? What will happen to you when you drive the car off the cliff and crash on the rocks below? The truth is I don’t know and you don’t know. Only God knows. The Car will certainly be destroyed, but you may walk away miraculously unscathed and find your own path. Or you may be wounded, then crawl back out of the deep ravine to join us on the road. We will crash. Only God knows. This week He has been telling me, “Step out of the way. _________ is my child and I will deal with him.”

I say, “Lord, here is my marriage. The Lord gives and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. He leads me in Paths of Righteousness for His namesake. Lord, here is _______. He is your child. It was wrong of me to try to push him, to protect him. He is in control of his body, his mind and his spirit. You may have him.”

OUR CHRISTIAN CONFESSION

“We have not been genuine in our relationships. We have hidden the dark side of our hearts and neglected to let one another know of our secrets and pain. We have lived a very bland form of Christianity, holding to a form of godliness but denying the power of God to change us.

Afraid to honestly expose our own sins we have shoved away God’s offer to help and restore our wounded hearts. What we have allowed people to see is our false veneer or that which appears like what Christians are supposed to look like. Our hypocrisy has robbed us of many vital relationships and the healing God has provided through His Body, the Church.

Our insecurity has driven us to appear successful and spiritually alive. We have built temples to worship our own achievements and united collective activity of doing something for God. We have not made it our practice to become fully engaged with messy people who are trying to break self-destructive patterns, which will take a lifetime to heal. In our insecurity and fear we have been afraid to associate with those who are too ashamed to mention their private struggles and sins, taking away any prospect of hope from desperate people.

There is such dishonesty among us and a refusal to deal with things as they truly are. Many who have tried to find love and answers to their heart’s longings, have instead been groomed and accosted by leaders in illicit sexual encounters, and innumerable emotional and spiritual abuses.

We have been more concerned about how we’ve looked than in how we’ve loved. Our unspoken agreement has been, “I will not talk about my sin if you don’t mention yours.”

We have “kept family secrets” and enforced the “no talk rule” and “don’t feel rule” of our composite dysfunctional families. We’ve said in effect that sex sins are more shameful than other sins, and that sexual perversions are the worst sins of all. We’ve fed the very dynamics of shame that have kept all of us bound, impotent, and ineffective to set captives free.

Though our Heavenly Father is always seeking people in His great, compassionate love, we have for the most part rejected those who would make us uncomfortable. We have not provided a safe place of refuge for those coming out of crippling emotional conditions, either within our church or in our hearts.

When you have wanted and needed a safe, loving family in which you could be nurtured into health, we have not been there for you. Perhaps you’ve given up hope that there is such a place.

Would you please forgive us, Mighty God, for our complacency, hypocrisy and self-protective love? Would you, dear friend, please come home to the embrace of our Father as reflected in our care for you and our mutual desire to be “Jesus with skin on” to you? You’re part of us, it’s your birthright, and we need you.

(Adapted from Rev. Ed Flook’s statement of repentance, Vineyard Christian Fellowship, Kalamazoo, Michigan).